This is a second hand story that I know to be true. Friend of mine was at some guy's house who was acting like a real jerk and being an ass. He was being handsy with another guys girl and generally just being obnoxious. My friend couldn't take it. He went into the kitchen, got a plastic bag, shit in it, and then put the turd in dude's chocolate milk. Feeling much better about himself, he tried to enjoy the rest of his evening.
When dude went to drink his chocolate milk (right out of the bottle / carton I might add) he found the offending fecal matter and called up my friend threatening to kick his ass! My friend say "Hey Hey Hey, All I have to say is that my turd touched your lips. Fuck off!!" and hung up on the guy.
Beautiful!